How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
