well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
