Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
