Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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