I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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