I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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