Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
