We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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