Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She told me I should be a condom model.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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