C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
