at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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