Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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