You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
