Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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