Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
