His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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