What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
