You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize