I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
