he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
