bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
