i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
