It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
