she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
