The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
