the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
