and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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