the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
