Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
