I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
