There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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