Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
