i think my mom watched the whole time
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
