so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This house was built for laser tag.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
