She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize