"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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