come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
