Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
