break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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