Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
