made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
