Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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