are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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