dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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