He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
