Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
