I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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