It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
