My room smells like vodka and shame
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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