the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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