Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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