Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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