Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
