Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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