You're so nebulous sometimes
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
