so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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