While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
