Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
