wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
