We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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