Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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