every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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