im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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