Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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